Mourning
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: Ward feels even more guilt for mourning the loss of his abuser.


**I don't own SHIELD and never will. No copyright infringement intended.**

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Grant hated himself even more for missing John Garrett. He had finally come to terms with the fact that the man he thought saved him from hell abused him for fifteen years but now it was hard to accept that he was mourning himself. He shouldn't feel this way about one of his abusers. He didn't think it was right, and the team (his family, he admitted) would judge him for it if they knew. So that's why he had locked himself in the bunk with a book that wasn't Garrett-approved. A knock on the door startled him. "You okay in there, Ward?" Skye called.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" he lied.

"I'd feel better if you hadn't locked yourself in." She knew he wasn't up to anything (and the bracelet he was forced to wear helped out a lot too) but Skye still worried. He was so broken no one was sure they could completely patch him up.

He sighed. "I'm not doing anything wrong."

"I didn't say you were. But you're scaring me because your walls are back up, and you've retreated into yourself. Let me in, Grant."

Ward put down the book and unlocked the door. "Hi."

"Hi." She sat down on the bed next to him and waited for him to start talking. He'd tell her when he was ready as per usual.

It didn't take too long. Skye and Ward sat in silence for about ten minutes before he finally broke. He looked down at the floor because he didn't want to face her disgust when he told her the truth. "I miss John," he admitted.

Skye pulled him in for a hug and forced his face back up. "I'm not mad at you for admitting that. We appreciate your honesty, Ward."

"You don't hate me for it?" His voice cracked and he immediately wished it hadn't.

"No, Ward. You cared about him and it's okay to miss Garrett. He was a part of your life for fifteen years." She wisely didn't mention that John Garrett never gave a shit about anyone because that wouldn't help him, and Ward didn't need to hear it.

"Really?" Ward hated how needy and pathetic he sounded (not weak, he had to remind himself. Feelings weren't weaknesses).

"Really." Skye nearly sighed in relief when Coulson walked in. "Hey, AC."

He eyed the two of them warily. "What's going on?"

Skye put her hand on top of Ward's. "Will you please tell Grant that it's okay to miss Garrett? I don't think he believes me."

Coulson didn't let it faze him – the therapist had informed him that Ward grieving over Garrett was perfectly normal because the man was like a father to him. She said to expect it. He joined the two of them on the bed. "How do three people sleep in here?" he wondered then shook his head. He was getting off topic. "Ward, no one will ever judge you for any of your feelings about John Garrett. They're completely valid and some other stuff."

Skye snorted. "Some other stuff? Really?"

"I can't remember everything the therapist said! And speaking of which, you should probably make an appointment, Ward. Talk to her about this and see what she says."

Ward smiled nervously at the director. "Thanks," he mumbled.

Coulson smiled back. "You're welcome." And then he stood up and left them alone, completely forgetting about the reason why he had come to see them in the first place.

"It's okay to let go," Skye urged as soon as Coulson disappeared from sight.

"I don't know if I can."

"Crying isn't a weakness, Grant. You go ahead because I know you want to." She prepared herself for the flood of tears she knew was about to start. Skye couldn't fall apart when he needed her, not right now. She could do it in the privacy of her own bunk later.

He tried his hardest to resist the urge to cry but it didn't last long, especially with Skye encouraging him. Ward started sobbing and ended up shaking Skye as a result of how forceful the sobs were. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about, especially since this isn't the first time you've cried on me. I'm used to getting soaked by your tears," she joked.

Ward laughed but it made everything worse since it was mixed up within a sob. "Remind me to never cry and laugh at the same time," he gasped.

"Yeah, that was a mistake. Sorry about that." Skye waited patiently for the moment to pass and wished there was something she could do to help him. She hated John Garrett – and Ward's parents and older brother – with every fiber of her being. They nearly lost Grant because of those horrific people, and she'd never forgive them for it.

"Don't be so hard on yourself." But the words were lost in more sobs as they wracked his tall frame. Ward just wanted to be free of Garrett, and it wasn't happening. Why couldn't he just accept that he had a family who actually loved him and wanted to see him get better?

"Right back at you, Ward. You need to stop thinking so little of yourself," she soothed as she ran a hand through his unruly hair.

"Easier said than done." Damn it, he needed to stop this.

Skye lay down on his pillow and pulled Ward down with her. "Go to sleep – you need some rest."

"Not tired," Ward mumbled but his eyes started closing anyway. He ended up crying himself to sleep within ten minutes.

Skye couldn't get up if she wanted to but that was fine with her. She was Ward's rock and she planned to be for as long as possible. And she wouldn't let him push her away either – he had tried that before and it hadn't worked well for any of them.

Much to Ward's embarrassment, he started crying again when he woke from his nap an hour and a half later. Skye soothed him until he calmed back down. He felt guilty because he could never thank her enough for all of her support during this path to redemption. And now that he had cried about the loss of John Garrett, he felt a lot better but the guilt still overwhelmed him. They'd have to work on that.


End file.
